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through the viewfinder of mental health

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Things I have learnt these past 2 weeks: - schools are germ factories and my immune system sucks - I eat shit when cortisol whizzes round my body and my PTSD threat meter is off the scale. Well duh but when I discovered some cookies in an obscure part of the house and immediately ate two of them I was able to put the pack down. Because I recognised it for what it was. - I have got to find better ways to manage triggering situations - I can survive triggering situations. Not only that, I can conquer them - I've got four weeks to kick-start my healthy brain life shite challenge and get some coping techniques in the bag. Which don't involve reaching for the nearest bar of Dairy Milk. . Why? Because I have a job 💪 🙌 . What's to stop me becoming that broken creature close to death yet again? By recognising all of the above and taking steps to mitigate it. I'm not that terrified little girl living in the shadow of her childhood abuse any more. This is a role I researched and interviewed them as much as they interviewed me. An organisation whose cause I passionately believe in. Knowing there are shades of grey in reality, rather than the absolutes of black and white my bipolar insists on twisting the world into. Rather than running from traumatic incidents of the past, to accept and embrace that person who learnt from history and made it through the other side. To be a role model to my girl, who deserves so much more than the shadow of the person I was at risk of becoming. . So, we begin today. 20 mins run down once more and another 20 due tomorrow. What better place to build mental resilience than through running? Living begins now. . #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealth #realrecovery #recovery #running #run #bipolar #cptsd #PTSD #healing #selfcare #weightloss #workingmama #mother

Lordy I look wrecked. Another flight, another interview, another night of 4 hours sleep. I am getting what feels like electric shocks up my stomach and into my chest at regular intervals, every minute or so. Hurts a bit. I did on Tuesday as well. Anxiety related I guess? But I'm here, I'm doing this and I'm going to win through. My girl woke up with me and wanted to keep me company till I left. She's collecting me tonight 😍 Gonna sleep so much over the next few days! . Oh and I have a second interview from the one I did on Tuesday. London may well be calling again a lot more in the future so I should get used to it 😂 . #workingmama #mama #mum #mentalhealth #mentalhealthwarrior #backtowork #insomnia #fighting

This is the face of four hours of sleep, a child who has been sick for four days and whose husband then caught the bug, after a day of travelling and an intense interview, eating for the first time today because she was worried about having the same stomach bug 😂 I don't care if Diet Coke is bad for me, I need it on days like today. . I have no idea how it went today. I am avoiding at all costs the howl of self criticism and dissecting my every word uttered. It's a relief to be this tired. My sole focus is getting home and then taking two calls tomorrow to prep for my interview on Thursday. When I get to do this all again. Except with an earlier flight home 👍 all I know is that I did it and that is enough. . #mentalhealth #recovery #realrecovery #selfcare #healing #tired

My first thought when I sent this to my husband was 'God I look tired and old' 😂 If you had told me this time last year, or two years ago, that I'd be waiting to board a flight for the first of two trips to London this week to do two interviews, I'd have laughed in your face, right before having a huge meltdown. This time last week I didn't think I would ever achieve even one interview. . I actually have another three after as well so this time in two weeks maybe I might have a job? And if not, I'm not going to panic. That I managed to get so many interviews means I have something that not many people have. I don't need to listen to the voices telling me mothers are discriminated against, that I'm not up to it and all I should be doing is some quiet filing job somewhere, that because I live in another country they won't be interested (I am ignoring Brexit like the fucking plague damned if a bunch of fatcat Tories are going to ruin my new-found, fragile confidence). . So after my major panic attack that I'd miss my flight - and once my kskincare and makeup has transformed this tired mama, I'm going to enjoy this week greatly, talking about fundraising, meeting some really interesting organisations and people and discussing a subject I love. The outcome is irrelevant in many means. Oh and thanks Easyjet! . #mama #mother #workingmama #mentalhealth #realrecovery #recovery #mentalhealthwarrior #selfcare #mentalhealthjourney #healing #fighting

@blippiofficial this is my daughter Daisy. She's four and a huge fan of yours. She wrote this letter especially for you (with a bit of help from Daddy!) and hopes you have time to read it. Thank you ❤️ . #blippi #daughter #child #cute #proud

@faeriemab @lovepoppypug ladies it's on! My goal is to run 20 minutes a day every day for two weeks and slowly increase from there. This is a hard time of month for me as well as it's the second half of my cycle and PMDD time so I want to do this now to show myself it is possible. It's more about getting into the habit of it and having a positive mindset. I'm literally shouting out loud every time an intrusive thought invades my brain. I had a couple when running and think I scared a couple of ducks 😂 . I can imagine in Canadian temperatures it's not so easy to pull your trainers on! How about doing a yoga YouTube video at home for just 20 mins, or maybe a fun home aerobics class and just dance round the living room, to build it into your routine? Also, take your time. Reboot slowly and avoid injury. Starting is the most important thing ❤️❤️❤️ . #running #run #motivation #exercise #selfcare #selfcarediary #mentalhealth #bipolar #cptsd #PTSD #healing #recovery #mentalhealthjourney #wegotthis

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